Growing?

I feel like even though we're apart, I'm still loving him as if we were together, except, there's this weird brick wall in between us. Usually when I break up with someone, I immediately realize how wrong they were for me, and add up their faults until I can't or don't want to count them anymore. All I can think of is how good he was, and it's ridiculous. How is it possible that I'm continuing to love him? He's still charming to me. I still laugh at his jokes and find him to be ridiculous but terribly endearing at the same time. I miss him. Today was oddly difficult for me. Maybe it was because I woke up at five to alleviate my bladder because I drank a bowl sized cup of tea before bed and had just enough time to think about him so that he showed up in the rest of my dreams?

I'm glad that I get to go home this weekend. I may be busy, but I think it will be comforting to get to be in my hometown to watch a football game and do who else knows what. It is imperative that I find some new woodcut tools and finish my paperwork so I can get my ISEP and VISA applications sent off on Monday. I don't want to turn into one of those irresponsible and unprepared people. Life is starting to get busy again, which means that I have more distractions, and I like the change. Although, the down time has been throwing my Will-lessness into sharp focus because of all of the activities. I want him in my life. Does that seem needy? Maybe so...I'll work on it while trying to keep everything in balance.

Will,

You are goofy, but I love it, and you. The pumpkin you carved for Fellowship tonight was impressive, I liked the individual teeth the most. Would you show me your aluminum casting when you're finished with it? It sounds like a really interesting project. I hope you have a good weekend, and that the philosophy lecturer tells you interesting things tomorrow at lunch. When you are comfortable hanging out with me again, please let me know. Being patient is hard, but I know that it will be rewarding in the end.

Much love and many hugs,
Lauren