Timing

It has taken me a while, but I've finally realized that I wasn't as happy in my relationship with Will as I had convinced myself that I was. I think it was because it was the first time that I had been in love. Either way, I'm glad that I have admitted it to myself, and can finally move on in my life and not necessarily let go, but get back to really being happy. This weekend was such a wake up call on so many different levels. My brother and I hung out for a little bit yesterday and he asked about how Will was doing and whether or not we were still dating. I told him he broke up with me about a month ago, and he got all riled up and said, "What?! Why?" I explained it to him and he laughed and replied, "That is ridiculous. He's got something wrong with him." It made me feel kind of good to know that Taylor thought someone was being ridiculous for breaking up with me. My brother thinks I'm a good person! haha. I mean, I knew that he thought that, it's just nice to hear it spoken out loud. He loves me.

I'm going to see a counselor on Wednesday, and I'm so excited about it. I had a dream about Ian the other night, but it wasn't one where I was the victim trying to save my life. I don't really like the thought of me being violent, but he tried to attack me and I disarmed him and had him arrested. It was so invigorating to have that kind of control over my own life. Even though I'm starting to have more positive dreams, I still know that I need help. It's hard to admit it to myself, but there is no way that I can handle this all by myself. It's good that I'm going. It is going to be a great day.