Dreamer

It's become a part of the nightly ritual to only dream about Will. The dreams range from us getting back together and being extremely happy together, or him telling me that he's found someone else that he's fallen in love with. Each one stings in its own particular way. I think the one where we've gotten back together is a little worse though, because I wake up and want to text him, "Good morning sunshine! I hope you have a good day. Am I going to get to see you?" Or something to that effect. Each day is different. I miss him today, but thank goodness not with the same intensity as the first day. That was the worst.

Last night I went to Little Rock to see a friend, make dinner, and watch Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. It was such a great time. I needed the comfort of friendship and Harry Potter. It never fails that when I'm going through a rough time, I pick up Harry Potter or pop in Lord of the Rings. It's my style. Those things captivate me enough to make me forget about whatever else is going on in my life. Today, I have to finish filling out the ISEP and VISA paperwork though. I have to. I have to. I'll probably have to call in for back-up though. I only have half a clue as to what I'm doing. That's probably why I'm dreading getting started. I get frustrated filling out forms that I am not quite sure how to fill out, but know are imperative to my future life. We'll see how this goes.

Life keeps moving on, even when you want it to stop so that you can take a break. This next part won't make much sense unless you've read the BFG (Big Friendly Giant). You know how the giant catches dreams in jars? Well, I sometimes wish that I could have captured my most favorite moments with Will in jars. After we would part, I'd try and lock them away in my memory. What I should have done was kept a better journal of the time we spent together. BUT! No regrets. Now is not a time for regrets. It's a time to let myself wander and fill up my days. It is harder than you would think to fill up time. Most of my friends are so busy, that they don't even have time to hang out with anyone that isn't their roommate. It's ridiculous. I'm trying though. It's also hard because Will and I are trying to hang out with the same people. Yea, talk about a double conundrum.

I think I'll probably have to read that letter he gave me every day until I don't think about him all of the time. I like having his thoughts on paper for me to read over and over again. Right now, it's like my favorite story, except it's only an excerpt of it. The last few pages of the story that I can see clearly, while the rest of the book has been partially torn out or has coffee stains so I can only make out the gist of it. I love the gist of it. I also hate the gist of it, because I'm not sure if I'm getting everything right or not, and I want to be sure. The essence of everything is caught in the gist of it, and that is beautiful in its own way as well. The letter will remain close to my heart though. It's one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.

I'll end again with another note to Will:

Whale,

I hope that you're enjoying this fabulous fall weather today. It's gorgeous, and I wish that I didn't have so much work to do so that we could enjoy it together. Either way, I want you to enjoy your day, wherever you are. I'm sending you my love, and maybe you'll feel it, maybe you won't. I'm just glad to know that our friendship is going to continue to grow in the coming days, and I am excited to see where the wind may take us, together, and apart. As my mother would say, "Oh frabjous day!"

You're in my heart,
Bugaboo